On Being Ready

I’ll start with the moral first: always be ready. I’ve been wanting to do more day game lately. While this isn’t a day-game report per se, it happened in a non-sarging context.

HB7.5 I met her at reception at a bar. I had talked to several women by then and she was the hottest of them. I’d give her a solid 8, more if she were dressed sexily instead of business casual. 32 years old with a kid, but her body shows no evidence of childbirth.

I opened her while she was chatting with another guy. At first I couldn’t tell if she was into me or not. In a business networking situation it’s inappropriate to show sexual interest in front of others, so I didn’t try to kino or tease her. The other guy was a pretty good conversationalist and I wasn’t feeling very dominant, so I left to get a drink.

As an aside, since taking a couple of Juggler’s workshops, I’ve been trying to go more direct. His reasoning is it amps her buying temperature or you get blown out right away and don’t waste any more time.

A few minutes later I saw her by herself and I pulled her aside and said “Hey, I want to flirt with you some more.” She was a little surprised but didn’t run away.

We chatted for a bit and then I said:

Here’s what I’d like to do. I want to take you back to your hotel. I want to kiss you all over your body, then I want to make love to you. We don’t have to do that, but I’m telling you that’s what I want to do.

Another aside: this is also something I learned from Juggler. He’s very big on saying what it is you want (i.e. “I want to do x with you” rather than “Let’s do x”). You should say it confidently, but also be a little vulnerable. That’s why I added the “we don’t have to…” part.

She was again very surprised. Stunned is probably a better word. She said “I don’t know if we’ll do that, but we can go for a walk.” At this point I knew it was on. I walked her back to her hotel, we sat outside and had a drink, then I said “I want to kiss you now.” We made out for awhile on the patio, then I said “let’s go upstairs.” Unfortunately I didn’t have any condoms with me, so we couldn’t go all the way. Moral: be prepared.

I later asked her what she thought of me being so direct. She said she likes sexually aggressive men, but that no one had ever said anything like that to her in that context. I told her I’d never said it before either (which is true, though I will definitely do it again). She didn’t believe me, but whatever.

Too Available = Needy

One of my biggest challenges in pickup is to avoid looking too available. Before I learned about game I was just coming out of a relationship that epitomized needy behavior. I was totally smitten with a girl and I’d email her a thousand times a day. As it happens, she liked it a lot. She confided to me early on that she could be needy as well and really appreciated all the attention I gave here. Between email, text and online chat we practically lived together. We’d both text each other good morning and then stay in touch all day and deep into the night. (I should note this was a long distance relationship, so this was our only connection except for monthly hookups.)

When she eventually dumped me, I really went overboard. I was really traumatized by the breakup and went through a phase where I had absolutely zero confidence in my ability to attract women or for that matter to even maintain a basic level of success in life. I got so distracted at work it almost cost me my job.

Fortunately that’s all behind me, but I still find myself falling into old patterns with women. One in particular that I have to get better at is to not respond to everything immediately.

In my business life, I’m a very efficient person. I usually respond to email within a day and quite frequently within an hour. I rarely have more than a couple of messages sitting in my inbox. I always return phone calls the same day I get them. I answer texts almost immediately.

Furthermore, I’m proactive, even to the point of managing other people’s communications. This means that if I email you a question and don’t hear back in a few days, I’m aware of it and will contact you again. This may seem annoying in the abstract, but it’s a key to success in business. Staying on top of both your shit and, when necessary, other people’s shit is absolutely critical to performing at a high level. I’ve found that most people I know who’ve attained my level of success are equally skilled at managing communications.

To give you some perspective, while I’m not wealthy enough to retire, my personal income is in the top 2% of households nationally. The successful people I mentioned in the previous paragraph all probably earn even more than me. The only exceptions I’ve encountered to the rule of staying in touch are famous people. They get swamped with email from fans and kiss-asses, so it’s a lot harder for them to stay on top of it.

(And in case you’re wondering, I’m an ardent practitioner of the Getting Things Done method. It’s extremely popular in the web/tech industry.)

That’s all well and good, but I find it sometimes shoots me in the foot with women. Not only do I seem too available and (thus lower status), but I sometimes find myself getting pissed when they aren’t up to my level.

Last week offered a frustrating case study.

I met a very cute, sexy gal online and had a couple of dates. The first was a coffee date on a Thursday. We hit it off, ended up with a passionate kiss, and agreed to see each other again the following Saturday (that is, two days later). We met up for breakfast and a walk afterward. Had another great time, sealed with a kiss and comments about our respective sexiness, and we made tentative plans to get together soon.

And I then left to go to — wait for it — a PUA workshop. During the workshop we got to talking about texting and how you can use it to make a girl horny between dates. So right then and there I tried a text opener: “I want to bite you.” She wrote back pretty quickly asking if I was a vampire. This led to a very flirty exchange and she really got into it.

A couple hours later she was back for more, saying “I am thinking about you.” More flirting. This continued into the next day at which point I got really direct. I said I wanted to make love to her, pull her hair, throw her against the wall etc. She loved it and said she couldn’t wait to see me Tuesday night.

Monday morning she texted me “Good morning” and we exchanged texts all day. That night she called me and said she might be late Tuesday. We texted some more Tuesday, but then she ended up having to cancel. Her reason was that she had a modeling gig with a TV show and I don’t have any reason to doubt her on that. She texted me late that night from the set complaining about how late they kept her.

The next morning (Wednesday) she pinged me again and we chatted off & on. We traded texts trying to reschedule for the weekend, which she suggested, but she wouldn’t commit to a specific day/time. That night I sent her a series of porno texts saying I wanted to fuck her and lick her pussy, and she responded very enthusiastically.

Here’s where it got weird.

Thursday I texted asking if she had decided yet whether she wanted to meet Friday or Saturday. No response. That night I sent another. No response. Friday morning I sent one that just said “Knock knock.” No response.

Later that morning I called and left a voice mail asking if everything was ok. I noted that she had been generally very responsive in the past and just wanted to make sure there wasn’t some kind of emergency.

About an hour later she called back and apologized. She was at the hospital with a kid that she nannies. She said she’d definitely be tied up that night watching the other kid while the parents were at the hospital, but suggested Saturday or Sunday might work (didn’t commit though). I told her I’d call her Saturday morning and we’d figure it out from there. She said that was fine.

Friday night we started texting again. More borderline porno and she was into it.

Saturday comes, and I text her to suggest an idea. No response. I wait a while and then call. No answer and I didn’t leave a voice mail. Called one more time with the same result. That night I had tix to a baseball game, so I went to that. After the game was over I called her around 8:45 because I was relatively close to her place and thought we could get together for a fun Saturday night. No answer, so I left a voice mail.

Sunday I resolved not to contact her. Kept my promise to myself and now it’s Monday and still radio silence. I emailed the guy who ran the PUA workshop and he suggested I wait until Thursday at the earliest. I’ll probably give it one more try then, but after that I’m done.

This is all compounded by the fact that I’m a type-A, decisive person. I make decisions quickly and commit to them. If I tell you I’m going to meet you somewhere next Tuesday at 3, it’s a 99% certainty that I will be there. And if not, I will give you ample notice.

I expect other people to hold up their end of the bargain as well, and it nearly drives me crazy when they don’t. Yes, we’re talking about dating, not business, but since most of my day is spent in the business world, it’s hard to make exceptions.

The key to this, of course, is to always have a backup. If I’d had a couple other gals on the hook, no big deal. Unfortunately I’ve been in a dry spell of late….