Mining Craigslist

A while back I read this post by the web’s most popular asshole.

It gave me the idea to shamelessly steal that text and post it on my local Craigslist. I changed a couple details to make it seem local, but more or less verbatim. Check out this reply I got:

Hi there!
I have to say, I was blown away by this message to the entitled girl at the bar. You sound like an awesome, self respecting guy who is obviously aware of his surroundings. I’m also very impressed that you bought the other girl a drink instead, she seems like she deserved a drink much more than any girl who would come right out and ASK you to buy her a drink.

As a woman who has received her share of free drinks, I just have to say that the girl you’re referring to sounds like trash. Maybe that’s a little harsh, but it’s completely disrespectful of anyone to ask someone they just met to drop money on them. I personally know a lot of twits who go out for “free” almost every single night because they prey on guys who either honestly think they’re buying the girl’s attentions for the night -or- they have the money to spare on the off-chance that something might happen. In either case, I’m disgusted by this ridiculous mating ritual.

That said… maybe I’ll see you out there some night and treat you to a drink for proving that there are guys out there who stick to their values, simply because they respect themselves.

Thanks for the read,
Craigslist chick

I ended up getting probably a dozen messages along these lines. One girl (henceforth HB25) emailed me and we started going back & forth. Eventually we moved it to chat and it escalated pretty quickly.

She lives in a town about 45 minutes away, which as far as I’m concerned might as well be Siberia, so I figured we probably would not hook up because I didn’t want to drive all the way there. During the chat she mentioned that she’s a bit of an exhibitionist so I asked her to send me some pics. She sent me some cute, pg-rated self-photos. At some point I asked her when she was going to come pick me up and buy me a drink. She indicated she was up for it and I knew it was ON.

Here’s where it gets interesting and where my inner game paid off. She texted me to say that she was not going to get all tarted up. I wrote back simple “Wear something sexy.”

That’s when she started getting cold feet. She wrote back that she thought that was a bit inappropriate for me to say in anticipation of “just a drink,” and basically said she didn’t want to come, it was too soon, a little scary because I might be a serial killer blah blah blah.

IN MY AFC PAST I might have apologized and started chasing. Instead I wrote back:

“Whatevs. This from a chick that just sent me semi-nude pictures.”

She apologized and admitted she was flaking a bit. She also said she didn’t know why I was attracted to her in the first place, that we really had nothing in common. (Which was bull – she’s a writer and I dig writers and I could tell I’d have a great convo with her.) So I re-established rapport with:

“The idea is for us to have FUN. Sexy is fun.”

Re: why was I attracted, I said, “Um, maybe because you have an interesting mind? Remember what I said about writers?” (I had previously said that a) I like writers and b) writers are nuts as a general rule)

She wrote back: “Batshit crazy, I know.”

I wanted her to see herself as about to miss out on the best time of her life because of her own bullshit. So I said: “So this is really about you, not me.”

I told her that I was going to the bar regardless of whether she showed up and that maybe I’d see her there. At that point she called me. That released some of the tension and I teased her a little. She still said she wasn’t coming, that she was going to hook up with friends instead. She said she did want to see me so we talked about maybe hooking up Sunday or Monday. Then we hung up and I figured it was over. (She later told me that hearing my voice made me seem more real and sexy.)

Right about the same time I got a text from the 30-40 yo girls telling me where to meet them, so I thought, ok, I have a plan b. (I did hook up with them and it turned out one of them was a girl I dated a few times. LOL.)

On my way to the bar HB25 called me and said she was coming to see me. I was surprised but played it cool, like OF COURSE you’re coming to see me.

Once she showed up, I was pleasantly surprised at how hot she looked, and I could tell almost from the get-go that she was into me. We hit another bar briefly, where we started making out. At that point I said we can pretend to go to more bars or go to my place and she said my place.

Encountered a little LMR in bed, but I said I never have sex on the first date. “Really?” More foreplay and now we’re naked and I said I was going to put on a condom just to be safe. “Just to be safe? What’s that mean?” “It means just to be safe.” Thirty second later I was inside and she was screaming my name. We fucked a couple time during the night, woke up and fucked some more this AM around 8. Then I made some coffee and we hung out. She later told me she didn’t plan on having sex (they never do) and was positive she wouldn’t until 30 seconds before.

Here’s where it gets funny. I had previously scheduled a breakfast date with a chick I met through online dating. She texted me to confirm it and I said yeah, meet me at the local diner at 8:45. I had told HB25 that I would probably have to work today. I told her I was going to go meet my biz partners for breakfast but that she was welcome to hang out at my place and get some sleep.

So I went on the breakfast date and had a good time with her as well. During breakfast I got a text from HB25 that said “Just now…” and contained a close-up photo of her naughty bits. She was laying in my bed at home masturbating.

I nearly spit my coffee out all over my other date. Speaking of which, I took her to Best Buy because she wanted advice on buying a subnotebook computer. The dude at Best Buy ask what she needed the computer for and I said “Mainly watching porn. This chick can’t get enough porn.”

That sent her over the edge with laughter and we made lots of sexual jokes after that. I dropped her off and she texted me that I’m a lot of fun.

Then it was back home HB25 for another round. Took some more pics and even shot a little video. Good times. BTW She’s 25 which for most of you is old, but that’s 16 years younger than me, the biggest age difference I’ve ever closed. This morning as we were talking we realized she was born 5 days after my nephew. Gulp.

She also stroked my ego a lot. Told me I’m the best she’s ever had in bed (whatever, I was only her fifth and her second one-night stand) and kept telling me how hot I am. I try not to need validation from women, but it still feels good.

As a follow-up, she and I dated several more times. I told her on the second date that I didn’t actually write the CL ad. She thought it was pretty funny. We ended up splitting up because she wanted to be exclusive with me, but we’re still friends and chat frequently on gmail.

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