Slipping through my fingers

We learn more from our failures than our successes. At least that’s what I tell myself after nights like last night.

Last night I went to a Halloween concert. I made eye contact a couple times with a very cute Cleopatra. I smiled but didn’t say anything. Eventually she opened me by asking my name. We started dancing together and pretty soon she was grinding me like a stripper. Life is good.

Intermission comes and she wants me to come with her while she smokes a cigarette. I do and also run across the street to grab a bottle of water. When I come back she’s chatting with here friends. I say “Cleopatra, introduce me.” She does, but I feel kind of tongue tied for some reason and don’t really win them over to my team.

Also during this time she tells me she’s 21 and just graduated college this past year. I tell her I’m 42. She says she doesn’t believe I’m that old. I suspect that was less about how I look than the fact that most 42 year olds don’t grind chicks on dance floors.

Soon we’re back in the theater and things escalate some more. We’re making out, she puts my hands on her tits, I run my hands up her skirt and play with her pussy. We start to leave to go back to my place (her suggestion: “I need to get out of this costume”). We’re almost to the door when she gets cold feet. She needs to tell her friends where she’s going because she doesn’t have her phone.

WHY THE FUCK DID I BUY INTO HER FRAME?!

We go back in and dance some more, then she goes to tell her friends (“I’ll be right back”). At that moment I knew I’d lost her. Sure enough, she takes her time with them and only “comes back” after the concert is officially over and I’m walking over toward here. She tells me she’s not going home with me. She’s moving to a large city over a thousand miles away in two days (she’d told me that earlier) and wants to make the most of her time left here. I tell her that’s exactly why she should go home with me, but of course that doesn’t work.

She says she’ll call me but I say “no you won’t.” That’s weak, but OTOH I know I’ll be tied up tonight and tomorrow, so it’s not like I could see her again anyway.

Ah well, live and learn. She would’ve been my third lay in a week, but I know better than to count chickens… Next time something like that happens, I’m just dragging her out the door and telling her to call her friends from my car. Or alternatively dragging her into the bathroom.

Fortunately I have another date tonight, and earlier last night I had number closed and scheduled a date with a girl at a coffee shop. So between those two I hope to fuck my frustration away, perhaps draining it into their mouths. 🙂

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Mining Craigslist

A while back I read this post by the web’s most popular asshole.

It gave me the idea to shamelessly steal that text and post it on my local Craigslist. I changed a couple details to make it seem local, but more or less verbatim. Check out this reply I got:

Hi there!
I have to say, I was blown away by this message to the entitled girl at the bar. You sound like an awesome, self respecting guy who is obviously aware of his surroundings. I’m also very impressed that you bought the other girl a drink instead, she seems like she deserved a drink much more than any girl who would come right out and ASK you to buy her a drink.

As a woman who has received her share of free drinks, I just have to say that the girl you’re referring to sounds like trash. Maybe that’s a little harsh, but it’s completely disrespectful of anyone to ask someone they just met to drop money on them. I personally know a lot of twits who go out for “free” almost every single night because they prey on guys who either honestly think they’re buying the girl’s attentions for the night -or- they have the money to spare on the off-chance that something might happen. In either case, I’m disgusted by this ridiculous mating ritual.

That said… maybe I’ll see you out there some night and treat you to a drink for proving that there are guys out there who stick to their values, simply because they respect themselves.

Thanks for the read,
Craigslist chick

I ended up getting probably a dozen messages along these lines. One girl (henceforth HB25) emailed me and we started going back & forth. Eventually we moved it to chat and it escalated pretty quickly.

She lives in a town about 45 minutes away, which as far as I’m concerned might as well be Siberia, so I figured we probably would not hook up because I didn’t want to drive all the way there. During the chat she mentioned that she’s a bit of an exhibitionist so I asked her to send me some pics. She sent me some cute, pg-rated self-photos. At some point I asked her when she was going to come pick me up and buy me a drink. She indicated she was up for it and I knew it was ON.

Here’s where it gets interesting and where my inner game paid off. She texted me to say that she was not going to get all tarted up. I wrote back simple “Wear something sexy.”

That’s when she started getting cold feet. She wrote back that she thought that was a bit inappropriate for me to say in anticipation of “just a drink,” and basically said she didn’t want to come, it was too soon, a little scary because I might be a serial killer blah blah blah.

IN MY AFC PAST I might have apologized and started chasing. Instead I wrote back:

“Whatevs. This from a chick that just sent me semi-nude pictures.”

She apologized and admitted she was flaking a bit. She also said she didn’t know why I was attracted to her in the first place, that we really had nothing in common. (Which was bull – she’s a writer and I dig writers and I could tell I’d have a great convo with her.) So I re-established rapport with:

“The idea is for us to have FUN. Sexy is fun.”

Re: why was I attracted, I said, “Um, maybe because you have an interesting mind? Remember what I said about writers?” (I had previously said that a) I like writers and b) writers are nuts as a general rule)

She wrote back: “Batshit crazy, I know.”

I wanted her to see herself as about to miss out on the best time of her life because of her own bullshit. So I said: “So this is really about you, not me.”

I told her that I was going to the bar regardless of whether she showed up and that maybe I’d see her there. At that point she called me. That released some of the tension and I teased her a little. She still said she wasn’t coming, that she was going to hook up with friends instead. She said she did want to see me so we talked about maybe hooking up Sunday or Monday. Then we hung up and I figured it was over. (She later told me that hearing my voice made me seem more real and sexy.)

Right about the same time I got a text from the 30-40 yo girls telling me where to meet them, so I thought, ok, I have a plan b. (I did hook up with them and it turned out one of them was a girl I dated a few times. LOL.)

On my way to the bar HB25 called me and said she was coming to see me. I was surprised but played it cool, like OF COURSE you’re coming to see me.

Once she showed up, I was pleasantly surprised at how hot she looked, and I could tell almost from the get-go that she was into me. We hit another bar briefly, where we started making out. At that point I said we can pretend to go to more bars or go to my place and she said my place.

Encountered a little LMR in bed, but I said I never have sex on the first date. “Really?” More foreplay and now we’re naked and I said I was going to put on a condom just to be safe. “Just to be safe? What’s that mean?” “It means just to be safe.” Thirty second later I was inside and she was screaming my name. We fucked a couple time during the night, woke up and fucked some more this AM around 8. Then I made some coffee and we hung out. She later told me she didn’t plan on having sex (they never do) and was positive she wouldn’t until 30 seconds before.

Here’s where it gets funny. I had previously scheduled a breakfast date with a chick I met through online dating. She texted me to confirm it and I said yeah, meet me at the local diner at 8:45. I had told HB25 that I would probably have to work today. I told her I was going to go meet my biz partners for breakfast but that she was welcome to hang out at my place and get some sleep.

So I went on the breakfast date and had a good time with her as well. During breakfast I got a text from HB25 that said “Just now…” and contained a close-up photo of her naughty bits. She was laying in my bed at home masturbating.

I nearly spit my coffee out all over my other date. Speaking of which, I took her to Best Buy because she wanted advice on buying a subnotebook computer. The dude at Best Buy ask what she needed the computer for and I said “Mainly watching porn. This chick can’t get enough porn.”

That sent her over the edge with laughter and we made lots of sexual jokes after that. I dropped her off and she texted me that I’m a lot of fun.

Then it was back home HB25 for another round. Took some more pics and even shot a little video. Good times. BTW She’s 25 which for most of you is old, but that’s 16 years younger than me, the biggest age difference I’ve ever closed. This morning as we were talking we realized she was born 5 days after my nephew. Gulp.

She also stroked my ego a lot. Told me I’m the best she’s ever had in bed (whatever, I was only her fifth and her second one-night stand) and kept telling me how hot I am. I try not to need validation from women, but it still feels good.

As a follow-up, she and I dated several more times. I told her on the second date that I didn’t actually write the CL ad. She thought it was pretty funny. We ended up splitting up because she wanted to be exclusive with me, but we’re still friends and chat frequently on gmail.

On Being Ready

I’ll start with the moral first: always be ready. I’ve been wanting to do more day game lately. While this isn’t a day-game report per se, it happened in a non-sarging context.

HB7.5 I met her at reception at a bar. I had talked to several women by then and she was the hottest of them. I’d give her a solid 8, more if she were dressed sexily instead of business casual. 32 years old with a kid, but her body shows no evidence of childbirth.

I opened her while she was chatting with another guy. At first I couldn’t tell if she was into me or not. In a business networking situation it’s inappropriate to show sexual interest in front of others, so I didn’t try to kino or tease her. The other guy was a pretty good conversationalist and I wasn’t feeling very dominant, so I left to get a drink.

As an aside, since taking a couple of Juggler’s workshops, I’ve been trying to go more direct. His reasoning is it amps her buying temperature or you get blown out right away and don’t waste any more time.

A few minutes later I saw her by herself and I pulled her aside and said “Hey, I want to flirt with you some more.” She was a little surprised but didn’t run away.

We chatted for a bit and then I said:

Here’s what I’d like to do. I want to take you back to your hotel. I want to kiss you all over your body, then I want to make love to you. We don’t have to do that, but I’m telling you that’s what I want to do.

Another aside: this is also something I learned from Juggler. He’s very big on saying what it is you want (i.e. “I want to do x with you” rather than “Let’s do x”). You should say it confidently, but also be a little vulnerable. That’s why I added the “we don’t have to…” part.

She was again very surprised. Stunned is probably a better word. She said “I don’t know if we’ll do that, but we can go for a walk.” At this point I knew it was on. I walked her back to her hotel, we sat outside and had a drink, then I said “I want to kiss you now.” We made out for awhile on the patio, then I said “let’s go upstairs.” Unfortunately I didn’t have any condoms with me, so we couldn’t go all the way. Moral: be prepared.

I later asked her what she thought of me being so direct. She said she likes sexually aggressive men, but that no one had ever said anything like that to her in that context. I told her I’d never said it before either (which is true, though I will definitely do it again). She didn’t believe me, but whatever.

Too Available = Needy

One of my biggest challenges in pickup is to avoid looking too available. Before I learned about game I was just coming out of a relationship that epitomized needy behavior. I was totally smitten with a girl and I’d email her a thousand times a day. As it happens, she liked it a lot. She confided to me early on that she could be needy as well and really appreciated all the attention I gave here. Between email, text and online chat we practically lived together. We’d both text each other good morning and then stay in touch all day and deep into the night. (I should note this was a long distance relationship, so this was our only connection except for monthly hookups.)

When she eventually dumped me, I really went overboard. I was really traumatized by the breakup and went through a phase where I had absolutely zero confidence in my ability to attract women or for that matter to even maintain a basic level of success in life. I got so distracted at work it almost cost me my job.

Fortunately that’s all behind me, but I still find myself falling into old patterns with women. One in particular that I have to get better at is to not respond to everything immediately.

In my business life, I’m a very efficient person. I usually respond to email within a day and quite frequently within an hour. I rarely have more than a couple of messages sitting in my inbox. I always return phone calls the same day I get them. I answer texts almost immediately.

Furthermore, I’m proactive, even to the point of managing other people’s communications. This means that if I email you a question and don’t hear back in a few days, I’m aware of it and will contact you again. This may seem annoying in the abstract, but it’s a key to success in business. Staying on top of both your shit and, when necessary, other people’s shit is absolutely critical to performing at a high level. I’ve found that most people I know who’ve attained my level of success are equally skilled at managing communications.

To give you some perspective, while I’m not wealthy enough to retire, my personal income is in the top 2% of households nationally. The successful people I mentioned in the previous paragraph all probably earn even more than me. The only exceptions I’ve encountered to the rule of staying in touch are famous people. They get swamped with email from fans and kiss-asses, so it’s a lot harder for them to stay on top of it.

(And in case you’re wondering, I’m an ardent practitioner of the Getting Things Done method. It’s extremely popular in the web/tech industry.)

That’s all well and good, but I find it sometimes shoots me in the foot with women. Not only do I seem too available and (thus lower status), but I sometimes find myself getting pissed when they aren’t up to my level.

Last week offered a frustrating case study.

I met a very cute, sexy gal online and had a couple of dates. The first was a coffee date on a Thursday. We hit it off, ended up with a passionate kiss, and agreed to see each other again the following Saturday (that is, two days later). We met up for breakfast and a walk afterward. Had another great time, sealed with a kiss and comments about our respective sexiness, and we made tentative plans to get together soon.

And I then left to go to — wait for it — a PUA workshop. During the workshop we got to talking about texting and how you can use it to make a girl horny between dates. So right then and there I tried a text opener: “I want to bite you.” She wrote back pretty quickly asking if I was a vampire. This led to a very flirty exchange and she really got into it.

A couple hours later she was back for more, saying “I am thinking about you.” More flirting. This continued into the next day at which point I got really direct. I said I wanted to make love to her, pull her hair, throw her against the wall etc. She loved it and said she couldn’t wait to see me Tuesday night.

Monday morning she texted me “Good morning” and we exchanged texts all day. That night she called me and said she might be late Tuesday. We texted some more Tuesday, but then she ended up having to cancel. Her reason was that she had a modeling gig with a TV show and I don’t have any reason to doubt her on that. She texted me late that night from the set complaining about how late they kept her.

The next morning (Wednesday) she pinged me again and we chatted off & on. We traded texts trying to reschedule for the weekend, which she suggested, but she wouldn’t commit to a specific day/time. That night I sent her a series of porno texts saying I wanted to fuck her and lick her pussy, and she responded very enthusiastically.

Here’s where it got weird.

Thursday I texted asking if she had decided yet whether she wanted to meet Friday or Saturday. No response. That night I sent another. No response. Friday morning I sent one that just said “Knock knock.” No response.

Later that morning I called and left a voice mail asking if everything was ok. I noted that she had been generally very responsive in the past and just wanted to make sure there wasn’t some kind of emergency.

About an hour later she called back and apologized. She was at the hospital with a kid that she nannies. She said she’d definitely be tied up that night watching the other kid while the parents were at the hospital, but suggested Saturday or Sunday might work (didn’t commit though). I told her I’d call her Saturday morning and we’d figure it out from there. She said that was fine.

Friday night we started texting again. More borderline porno and she was into it.

Saturday comes, and I text her to suggest an idea. No response. I wait a while and then call. No answer and I didn’t leave a voice mail. Called one more time with the same result. That night I had tix to a baseball game, so I went to that. After the game was over I called her around 8:45 because I was relatively close to her place and thought we could get together for a fun Saturday night. No answer, so I left a voice mail.

Sunday I resolved not to contact her. Kept my promise to myself and now it’s Monday and still radio silence. I emailed the guy who ran the PUA workshop and he suggested I wait until Thursday at the earliest. I’ll probably give it one more try then, but after that I’m done.

This is all compounded by the fact that I’m a type-A, decisive person. I make decisions quickly and commit to them. If I tell you I’m going to meet you somewhere next Tuesday at 3, it’s a 99% certainty that I will be there. And if not, I will give you ample notice.

I expect other people to hold up their end of the bargain as well, and it nearly drives me crazy when they don’t. Yes, we’re talking about dating, not business, but since most of my day is spent in the business world, it’s hard to make exceptions.

The key to this, of course, is to always have a backup. If I’d had a couple other gals on the hook, no big deal. Unfortunately I’ve been in a dry spell of late….

I’m # 3!

This is one of those situations that hammers home how “not caring” is so attractive. A (girl) friend of mine wanted to hook me up with a divorcee gal who’s my age (41). I’ve lately had success with younger women but I thought “sure, why not?”

So my friend laid the groundwork and said I should connect with her on Facebook. I looked at her pictures and wasn’t that impressed, so I delayed. Then a couple days later she (hereafter HB41) friended me. We traded email and I was kind of slow to respond, partly because I was thinking I didn’t want to actually meet her. In the middle of this I suddenly had to fly home to see my dad because of an illness. While I was there she sent me a “Are you rejecting me?” email and I hastily apologized, explaining the situation.

Once back home we agreed to meet for lunch in a neighboring town. Backstory: she suggested we meet on a Saturday. And I said “Meet me at noon at [redacted] in [redacted].” For most of my life I was so chodey about first dates: “well, where do , you want to go?” Now I just tell her where to meet me and leave it to her to raise objections, which she never does. I can’t believe I didn’t understand this basic fact for so long.

So I meet her there and it turns out she’s a lot hotter than her pictures. Smoking body. Petite. Just my type. So we have a great lunch and I bounce her for a walk down main street, then to a coffee shop. We sit there for a while building comfort, then I walk her to her car and get a small kiss. We agreed to meet again on Tuesday.

In the interim we do a little chatting online. I tell her I’m psychic and can read her mind. I do cold read over chat. I tell her she’s a perfectionist who’s super organized and kind of anal retentive. I was right. (How do I know this? Because her chats are all grammatically correct. No lowercase, perfect punctuation etc.)

Next day we meet at a bar and I immediately embrace and kiss her lightly. We sit and have a couple drinks, lots of kino and comfort-buildilng. Then we bounce to another place nearby which has a really cool downstairs bar. We go down there to the lounge area and I escalate. I reminder her that I’m psychic and make a big show of putting my fingers to my temples. Then I tell her she wanted to sleep with me tonight. “Why do you think that?” “Because you’re wearing sexy lace panties.” (I had felt them with my fingertips earlier.)

There was another group sitting close by and somehow they got involved in the conversation. She asked them if she should go home with me tonight. Light-hearted conversation about how many dates should you do before sleeping together etc. I pushed her a little to go home with me but no dice. Which was just as well because I had to get up early the next morning. (I think I might even have said that to her).

Date #3. Simliar situation. We go out to a nice restaurant, lots of kino and then she comments that we should walk off the food we ate. So I say sure, there’s a park right next to my place. We drive there, go for a nice walk, then in to my place.

We’re making out on the couch and she’s clearly turned on. So she “goes there” and says she wants to go back on the pill and can I wait two weeks? (Remember: she and I grew up in the pre-safe-sex era, so we’re not as as used to condoms.) I say sure, whatever. From that point forward I went the push-pull route. We’d kiss for a while, play with her tits etc. then I’d get up to get a glass of water, or change the music, or check on my dog.

An hour later we were going at it like rabbits. She told me she was impressed that I didn’t push her. The truth is, I didn’t really care if we had sex. I could see she was attracted to me and that as long as I stayed confident and kept my mouth shut, I would eventually nail her. (The mouth shut part is important: I have a tendency to bring up Game stuff a little early. She kept telling me I was a player and I kept saying “Aw, shucks. I’m just a farm boy.”)

Anyway, the most interesting thing about this is I was only her third sex partner! She was married for 14 years to the guy she lost her virginity to. Last summer she slept with another guy, but it took weeks to get her in the sack. She kept telling me how unlike her this was to sleep with someone on the third date. Whatever. She was quite good in bed, so…

We went out a few more times and I really liked her, but I could tell I wasn’t going to fall in love and did not want to be her boyfriend. So I told her I would continue seeing other people and that if that bothered her, we probably should stop dating. She cried, but thanked me for my honesty. We still keep in touch.

Same night lay in DC

Last night was my last in DC. I’d had an almost-SNL two nights earlier, then a weird-but-fun night on Friday (didn’t hookup with anyone, but had a great time making a Korean lesbian want to kill me among several other surreal interactions).

I was tired and didn’t want to stay out late but figured I’d give it one more shot. I hit a bar and opened 3-4 sets but none went anywhere. One was with a smoking trio of Ethiopian chicks that had blown me out and I was feeling kind of stuck. I almost left right then, but then I saw the dance floor had filled up. I’d just read a post somewhere about dance floor game and thought “why not?”

Not that I actually knew what I was doing (I don’t remember any of the details of that post). I just figured I’d dance for a while and see if the movement got me in a better state. Not five minutes into it I saw a cutie dancing close to me with open body language, and she was by herself. I turned slightly toward her, but I was still far enough away that I wasn’t really dancing *with* her.

i thought about it for a sec, then decided to man-up and be a leader, so I grabbed her arm and pulled her in front of me. She smiled and I knew it was on. We danced for a couple of songs and I started pulling her closer and closer. I didn’t try to kiss her, but rather nuzzled her neck and whispered in her ear. This was how we started conversing. Somewhere in there I said “you’re pretty cute, but I never kiss on the dance floor, so you’re out of luck.” More conversation in which it turned out we had a lot of common interests (she’s a writer and I have thing for writers), then she came at me for the kiss. I reciprocated at first but pulled back, and we played a game of her trying to kiss me and me chiding her for breaking my rules.

Lots of fun, and from here it was a cakewalk.

After a while we were both hot and sweaty and decided to take a break. We went over and sat in a couple of bar stools about three feet from the Ethiopians. (They were still by themselves. I wonder if they hooked up with anyone…) I bought her a drink at her request, then we basically made out for another 30 minutes or so. She kept telling me how adorable I was and it was a nice ego boost. She also talk freely about all the wild sex she’s had: mile high club, multiple three-ways etc. She’s done three-ways with two guys, but she said not a DP. I said “the fact that you even know what a DP is says a lot about you.” She told me she was 34, but I suspect she’s a bit older based on some things she said later (she didn’t look that old, though).

I told her I was staying with a close friend of mine and her husband about four blocks away and invited her back to my place. Also that I was leaving the next morning at 8 am (true) and that it was now or never. She lives in Silver Springs, MD and had come with a guy friend. I told her I’d get her a cab home if she needed that. She went to talk to her friend about it. At this point I worried that he might talk her out of it and gave her my business card as proof that I’m a real person. She came back a few minutes later and said “we have an hour.”

So we left and started walking back to my friend’s. I didn’t have any condoms and told her so, “but it doesn’t matter because I never have sex on the first date anyway.” She laughed and said we gotta buy some. At that moment we were passing by a little convenience store, so we went in and I playfully told her I wanted her to ask about the condoms. She did. The clerk showed them to me and I made a to-do about them not having the ones I like (Trojan Ecstasy). This led to a funny interaction where she said she wasn’t aware that there was a difference. I explained that we’re in a Renaissance phase of condom development, it was a rapidly developing field with all kinds of innovation going on and blah blah blah.

You can guess what happened from there. We made the most of our hour and I walked her back to her car.

One interesting side-note: while were walking back to my place I couldn’t remember her name and was trying to figure out how to get it out of her. But right as we walked in the door she mentioned she hadn’t told me her name and hinted that she’s somewhat famous (at least enough that she’s on TV often), so it dawned on me that she doesn’t want me to know who she is. We made a game of this while fucking – me saying I wouldn’t let her come until she told me her name. Lots of fun. She told me a couple different names at time and I’m positive they were both lies.

Didn’t matter. She was a great lay plus really smart, cute & fun. Good blowjobs too.

I dated a fairly famous writer for a while back last spring, so we talked about the parallels. She did give me her phone # and said she’d email me, so maybe it will come out then. (I’m thinking about going back to DC for Xmas and she wants to hook up.)

We texted back & forth last night and again today. I told her I’ve decided I don’t need to know her name and had given her the pet name Fifi.

Failed SNL attempt in DC

I’m in DC on business. Last night I hosted a happy hour for our customers at an area bar. When that was over I asked one of the customers where would be a good place to kill some time and make new friends that wasn’t too loud. She suggested a bar in Dupont Circle and gave me directions via the Metro.

On the train there were a couple of professional Asian chicks that I opened but didn’t get any IOI. Later I had to switch trains and was checking out the people on the platform. I made eye contact with a girl but didn’t do anything about it. (I was truthfully much more attracted to the girl sitting next to her, but she never looked up from her Blackberry. Yeah I know – I shoulda opened her anyway. And now that I think about it I was hungry so I could’ve asked for a good place to eat.)

Anyway, about that time HB8 Dirty Blonde (HB8DB) walked by me on the platform. She sort of paused as she walked by me and dawdled for no apparent reason. I took that as an IOI and asked her about her gloves. We chatted until the train came and then got on together. Turns out she was going to the same stop as me, and I asked her about the bar that had been recommended earlier. Long story short, we got off at that stop and went to a bar she was going to meet some friends at instead. During this time she made a couple of sexually charged comments and I thought, it’s ON.

At the bar it was just us for a bit before her friends showed up. Lots of comfort-building chit chat in which she signalled interest by talking about her attraction to older men (I’m 17 years older than her).

In the middle of that she got a text that she looked at and laughed. It was from her boyfriend. This was the first mention of the BF. I ignored it and she didn’t really mention him much the rest of the night until the very end. Later her work friends showed up and it became clear from the interactions that she’s the sexual party girl that all her male co-workers wanna fuck. One of them asked how we met, she said on the Metro and he said “you must have good game.” She laughed and pointed out that I opened her by asking a real question, which I guess in her mind meant that I was real and not a PUA.

As the night wore on the talk got more sexual. She was across the table from me at first, but eventually she went to the bathroom and when she came back I told her to sit by me. I did a fair amount of kino — mostly rubbing her legs under her skirt — but didn’t go for the kiss in front of her friends. I tried to bounce her to a dance club, saying I wanted to dance, but she didn’t go for it.

Finally she said she was tired and everyone started leaving. I went with her to get a cab. At this point she mentioned how her mom wouldn’t go to bed until she came home. I tried to kiss her while waiting for the cab and she reciprocated a little, but then she resisted because of her boyfriend. That led to a discussion of monogamy and how she didn’t really want to be monogamous but had made a promise to her BF. Who, BTW, she was picking up the next morning at the airport and they were spending the weekend together at her parents place in Virginia (she had mentioned this earlier so I don’t think she made it up on the spot). He lives in NY and we talked about LDRs for a bit (I told her to stop wasting her time). She said that if he wasn’t coming she would’ve been down for spending the weekend with me.

The cab came and I made her give me a real kiss before she got in. I caught my own cab shortly after and went home I was bummed that I couldn’t close it, but I still have two more nights in DC so no big deal. I didn’t get her number. I did give her a clever, useful little tchotchke about my company. It has my name and contact info on it, and it’s the kind of thing she will keep, so perhaps she’ll look me up down the road. (I’m intentionally not saying exactly what it is to protect my anonymity.)

I also could’ve done a little more push-pull with her and gotten her talking about her sense of adventure.

I’ve never tried this, but I’ve heard that when a girl brings up an obstacle like her mom waiting for her, you can often defeat it with a total non-sequitur excuse like “don’t worry I’m wearing my black overcoat tonight, so she’s cool.” I wish I had thought to try that. Next time.

Finally, I think in retrospect I could’ve dragged her to the bathroom and at least done the kiss close there, maybe even f-close. Waiting until the end of the night made for too much pressure.

Interesting side note: We had to take a cab to the bar from the stop, which she paid for. I offered to chip in and she said I could make it up by buying her a drink. But then at the bar she ended up paying for all the drinks too. Score! I think? From what I could tell she’s broke – lots of student debt, only a PT job, lives with parents. All of her friends were in their early twenties and complaining about not having money or good jobs. Maybe that helped her feel less guilty about almost-cheating on her BF.