Pocket Translation Guide

I have a good field report coming soon, but in the meantime here’s something funny a friend forwarded to me.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL’S:

– 40-ish: 49.5
– Adventurous: Slept with just about everyone
– Average looking: Mooooo
– Athletic: No boobs
– Beautiful: Pathological liar
– Free Spirit: Junkie
– Emotionally Secure: On medication
– Feminist: Fat
– Friendship first: Former Slut
– New-Age: Body hair in the wrong places
– Old-fashioned: No BJs
– Open-minded: Desperate
– Professional: B**ch
– Outgoing: Loud & Embarrassing
– Voluptuous: Very fat
– Large frame: Hugely fat
– Wants soul mate: Stalker

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S ENGLISH:

– Yes: No
– No: Yes
– Maybe: No
– We need: I want
– I am sorry: You will be sorry
– Sure, go ahead: You better not
– We need to talk: You are in big trouble
– Do what you want: You will pay for it later
– I am not upset: Of course, I am upset, you stupid moron!
– You’re very attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN’S ENGLISH:

– I am hungry: I am hungry
– I am sleepy: I am sleepy
– I am tired: I am tired
– Nice dress: Nice cleavage!
– I love you: Let’s have sex now.
– I am bored: Let’s have sex now.
– May I have this dance? I’d like to have sex with you.
– Can I call you sometime? I’d like to have sex with you.
– Do you want to go to a movie? I’d like to have sex with you.
– Can I take you out to dinner? I’d like to have sex with you.

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